Thanks to You
by kakashifangrl1012
Summary: It was impossible. The woman she saw in front of her had died a long time ago. If he saw, he would fall apart. And she wasn't sure if she could hold him together this time. S/M


**Yep, I admit it, I'm totally a CSI: NY addict now too. As if House and Bones and Grey's weren't enough. Oh well. It does give me more people to write about though, and I love Stella and Mac, together and as characters in general. And I just have to say, how perfect is it that their names make the word smack when you put them together. Like seriously, did the writers plan that? It's just so perfect; it made me laugh out loud when I first realized.**

**I just really started watching this season, but I have been dutifully watching old episodes on Spike whenever possible, so I hope I didn't go off character too much. I think Mac is a bit OOC, but, hey, it's fanfiction. This is a oneshot/drabble type thing, there won't be another chapter, but i will write more CSI: NY fanfiction for sure.**

**Enough of my babbling, enjoy the story and please review!**

**---**

Today was a good day, Detective Stella Bonasera decided. She let her mind wander out the window as the cars flew by around them. It was a beautiful fall day, her hair had decided to cooperate that morning, and she was wearing a newly purchased coat that she had fallen in love with the moment she laid eyes on it; nothing was going to get her down. As they approached Central Park, she began to see the trees with red, orange and golden leaves falling around them. The SUV slowed to a stop at the curb, and she sighed. Moment over. Back to work.

"Beautiful day," Hawkes commented as they both stepped out of the vehicle. He walked around the car from the driver's side and began walking to their crime scene some twenty feet away.

"Yeah," Stella agreed, forensic case in hand. "Fall is definitely my favorite season."

"Hmm, I always thought you'd be more of a spring person," he replied.

"Well, I guess I'm just full of surprises," they both shared a smile.

They followed the relatively straight path, passing a few benches as they neared the crime scene. Stella continued to get lost in the colors around her as they walked. She vowed to come back the coming weekend; she could use a walk in the park. A nearby cluster of trees caught her eye; a group of children ran around them, laughing and chasing one another while their moms talked. She smiled involuntarily. It seemed to be cheerful all around. She then reminded herself that she was there because someone had died in the middle of the park.

'_Think positive, Stella.'_ She thought.

"What have we got," Hawkes asked Lindsay and Danny, who were already at the scene, busy with evidence and photographing.

"According to the guy who found her, she was just walking past him, started to gasp for air, and collapsed to the ground," Danny replied, "Flack is talking to him now." He jerked a thumb over his shoulder to where the cop was questioning a young guy wearing running clothes.

Stella tore her eyes away from the colors and directed her attention to the body. Mac would be pissed if he caught her daydreaming on the job. She saw the victim's face, and she froze. She dropped her case. It crashed on the cement path, opening and sending various pieces of equipment onto the walkway. It wasn't possible. But it was.

"Oh my god," she backed up a step.

"You okay, Stel?" Flack had walked back over to them and was watching her curiously with the rest of the team. Said person shook her head, not trusting her mouth to form words.

The victim looked exactly like Claire Taylor.

It wasn't her obviously, and now with the initial shock over, Stella did notice some subtle differences, but at first glance the resemblance was unmistakable. And if Mac saw… she could guess what his reaction would be.

"Call Mac," she said hurriedly, "Tell him not to come—"

She turned around and nearly ran into her partner and best friend; she realized that it was probably the one time she wasn't happy to see him.

"And why wouldn't I come?" he asked while looking at her, not yet seeing the body behind her or feeling the heartache that was sure to follow.

She didn't say anything; she didn't know what to say. She looked into his eyes, as if she could make him turn around and walk away, sparing him from the pain. But he just looked back quizzically, trying to make sense of her expression.

"Is something wrong—" he started, but then he glanced behind her. She saw the look of confusion on his face, which turned to shock, which turned to pain.

He stared for a moment longer, then turned and started walking away from the path into the trees. She felt horrible. She had to follow him.

"What just happened?" Lindsay asked, voicing the thoughts of the rest of the team.

They were all looking at her for an explanation, but she wasn't sure if she should give it. She glanced at Mac's retreating form and decided to save the questions for later.

"I'll explain later; I have to talk to him," she evaded and started after her friend.

The CSIs and cop exchanged looks. Lindsay shrugged.

"Whatever it is, if it's upset Mac that much, Stella's the only one who can fix it," she reasoned. The guys nodded, and they got back to work.

---

"Mac," Stella called, almost running to catch up to him.

"It's alright; you can go back," he replied, not looking back at her. He just needed some time; that was all. _How much more time do you need?_ His conscience chastised._ You've had years._

"Talk to me," she persisted, coming up behind him. He made sure to stay in front of her; he didn't want to see the pity in her eyes. He just wanted to walk.

"Really, it's okay. I'll be back in a minute," he said, forcing calm. But she caught the edge in his voice. She knew that she should just let it go, but instinct told her not to.

"Mac, you're not okay."

He didn't say anything, the anger building up in him silently. He kept walking. _Don't look back. Don't remember._

"Just slow down—" Stella started.

He suddenly stopped and turned to her, causing her to almost run into him for the second time that day.

"I'm fine, Claire!" he shouted in her face.

She was stunned speechless. Neither of them moved. He saw hurt flash in her eyes, and she saw regret in his. But they didn't acknowledge it, saving it for later. She nodded stiffly, blinking a few times to force back the emotions threatening to spill out.

"Right," she said quietly, "Well, if you need me, I'll be back at the scene."

She forced a tiny smile, and turned to go back. He watched her walk, wondering what damage he had done this time. She appeared to be confident on the outside, but he saw that split second of anguish in her expression. He didn't know if it was for him or because of him, but he did know that she was a rare, genuinely good person; and he was damn lucky to have her.

There was no way in hell he was going to let that go.

"Stel," he said.

"Yeah," she turned around to face him.

He strode to her and stopped awkwardly in front of her. He suddenly didn't know what to say.

"I do… need you. I'm sorry," he stammered out. _Awkward. _

But apparently she didn't think so. She sighed and hugged him. He felt better when she was in his arms. It seemed like her warmth flowed into him, and he relaxed.

"I can't be her," she said softly, "I never will be. But you don't have to do everything by yourself, remember?" She said, pulling back from their embrace and smiling, a real smile this time. He nodded, looking into her eyes. He saw no trace of pity there. There never was any. There was only understanding and comfort, something that could never be replaced. She could never be replaced.

As if on cue, his cell phone rang.

He made a wow-perfect-timing face, making her smile again, something he found he never tired of. He tore his focus away from her and answered his cell.

"Taylor," he answered, and Stella noted with satisfaction that he had every bit of composure back in his voice. "Right, I'll be there soon. Okay. Bye." At his partner's questioning look he said, "We've got another body."

Stella nodded, "You go, and I'll send Lindsay in a while. I got things covered here."

"Okay," he agreed. He knew she didn't want to have to get him involved in this case. Neither of them wanted any more episodes like this again. It was one of the good things about them; they each had a sort of silent knowing of the other. They didn't need to discuss it; they just knew.

"Earth to Mac," Stella said, and he realized he had been spacing out.

"Yeah, sorry. I'll see you later. Lunch?"

She nodded, "Sure, sounds good." She gave a little wave and started back for the crime scene.

As she was walking, she second-guessed herself with every step. Was he just putting on a front for her, like he had done so many times before? He did look preoccupied, just a minute ago. Was that whole conversation just so that she wouldn't worry? Stella wouldn't put it past him.

"Mac?" she stopped and turned around to call back to him.

"Yeah," he turned and answered.

She gave him a searching look, "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yes, Detective," he replied, mocking her inquisitiveness about his state of well being, and more seriously added, "Thanks to you."

He smiled and continued back to his car, leaving her wondering about his compliment. She shrugged; if he wanted her to know something, he would say so. She mentally chided herself for having such an analytical mind. It was probably nothing.

_Thanks to you._

But something told her it wasn't nothing.

She rolled her eyes before turning and heading back to the rest of the team.

_Of all the people to fall for..._


End file.
